I’m dating myself again, and this time I’m exposing my memory so that it may be called into question. If my memory is faulty I am sure one of you fellow old timers will correct me via e-mail..:). Back in the 60’s and 70’s author George Plimpton embarked on an ambitious journey of his own by dabbling for short intervals in dangerous sports careers and living to write about his experiences. (How did posing as a t-girl escape his thrill seeking?). He played NFL quarterback, hit a 100 mph fastball and boxed as a prize fighter. Perhaps less physically dangerous but just as daunting was his foray into the world of stand up comedy. I remember bits and pieces of the advice he received from various professional comedians and one bit of advice he received from Milton Berle reminded me of a topic for discussion. The advice he received from Uncle Miltie in response to his question on how to avoid being nervous on stage was to imagine the audience had no clothes on.

I think the reason this advice was so marvelous and applicable to transgender people going out and living in the world is that it turns our own insecurities around and applies them to our would be tormentors. We talked a little bit about self esteem before. I had indicated that out of necessity I had developed a healthy personal self esteem. To go out and live as we do and be happy in the face of rejection requires an ability to make ourselves happy without need of anyone else. We want other people in our lives and we will strive to have them but we have to be happy with ourselves first or no one else will want to share our lives.

What I did not mention earlier is that in my opinion looking and developing your own self esteem is only part of the secret to handling negative people out in the world. The other part of coping is realizing that most of those who ridicule or dismiss us or question our right to live all suffer from their own low self esteem. There is no reason for any person happy in their own self to respond negatively to how someone else lives. My feeling is that bigots, bullies, transgender folk who employ transgender caste systems and chubby, cellulite laden, stretch-pant-wearing, judgmental GG’s at Walmart who criticize, poke fun of, or exclude transgender people all suffer from the same disease. They are not happy with themselves or their own lives so they make themselves feel superior by picking out what they perceive to be a more vulnerable and weaker subgroup to torture.

When we realize this and we receive a negative comment, instead of questioning ourselves and looking in our own self esteem mirror we can take that mirror and immediately turn it towards our tormentors. They are the ones who are not whole, or healthy, or happy, not us. It is we who should feel sorry for them, not the other way around. We will be gracious ladies in the face of smirks and ridicule, assured in the knowledge that we are beautiful and strong and happy and too busy to notice or respond to those who are so bereft of real lives that they have nothing better to do than make themselves feel important at others’ expense.

I hope this visualization may help you as much as it helps me to deal with the loony birds of the world..:).